


the droids are gay

by orphan_account



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: :), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe- Groupchat, Bigender Connor, Blue-Haired Traci is called Tracy, Connor is gay as F U C K, F/F, M/M, Multi, She/Her pronouns for kara north and the traci duo, a lot of swearing, also uhmmmmmmmmm that racist north shit???? assassinated, big mood bc me too honey, for connor, for markus simon josh luther, gc au, groupchat, groupchat au, he/him pronouns, her girlfriend is called Amy, i have like tonnes of gc aus and all of them have poly and nb characters, mainly bc connor is a bad bitch, nah honey, ooc for my own entertainment, that shit wasnt cute, they/them pronouns, yall really thought i would end my streak with this bitch?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-06-17 07:43:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15456564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: codnor: I take a lot after hankcodnor: the swearingcodnor: some other shit I guesscodnor: BIUT#codnor: he ONLY likes death metalcodnor: I CANNOT be TIED DOWN like that------------Simon: say sikeConnor: I have had enough! I am putting my whole foot down! stomping onto the floor!Tracy: christKara: youre a child connor





	1. Chapter 1

**North made the chat!**

**North added Markus, Kara, Connor and 5 others to the chat!**

10AM

 **Markus:** hahahahahahahahaha what the fuc k

 **Markus:** okay why the fuck is this a thing that's happening

 

 **Connor:** my face has a fucking fdnchsjio

 **Connor:** what htriud 

 **Connor:** you made a fucking group chat??? in our fucking faces im fucking cryfing

 **Connor:** why is this necessary im gay I cant speell

 

**North changed the name of the chat to deviant gays**

 

 **Markus:** get it out

 **Markus:** north ur so stinky for doing this

 

 **North:** Connor wdym its not in ur fuckin face pussy

 

 **Connor:** im having a stroke

 

 **North:** its in ur eyyyes

 

 **Tracy:** yeah but like wwhsy

 **Tracy:** why

 

 **North:** we gay and I feel like we should bond over it

 

 **Markus:** I am a pansexual in what do u mean gay bitch ass

 

 **North:** okay

 **North:** connor why do u date stinky boy

 

 **Connor:** I am lov he

 

 **Kara:** nice

 

 **Simon:** I feel...……………………………………………………..

 **Simon:** forgotten 

 

 **Kara:** not the first time jfc

 

 **Markus:** :///

 

 **North:** :/

 

 **Connor:** oh bitch 

 **Connor:** fucking shade

 **Connor:** wdhy the fuck did you leave my boyfritrned @markus

 

 **Markus** : ://///////////////////////////////

 **Markus** : fuck you

 

 **North:** marksu why do u date connor

 **North:** all they do is bully u 

 

 **Connor:** bet

 

 **Markus:** all I wanna know is why connor is so fucking salty all the time

 **Markus:** chill out sweaty

 

 **North:** @connor how do u misspell with ur brain 

 

 **Connor:** shut the fuck up??? its spelt you not 'u' you fucking cretin

 

 **North:** learn some fucking grammar 

 

 **Connor:** what the fuck

 **Connor:** youre disrespecting a future us army soldier 

 

 **North:** yeah okay ill believe u

 

 **Connor:** HWTATS YOUR FUCKIGN PROBLEM

 **Connor:** fix your fucking teeth before I do

 

 **Tracy:** oh

 

 **Kara:** mmm

 

 **North:** im??

 **North:** fix ur attitude

 

 **Connor:** I would say get a nose job whilst youre at it but you might need a whole nose career instead :/

 

 **Amy:** dlkjfhghudi I cant breathe connor is going so hard 

 **Amy:** chill out honey

 

 **North:** its the comedy police the jokes too funny

 **North:** connor ur not actually that funny dont let it go to ur head

 

 **Connor:** okay bitch???? I aint been trying 

 **Connor:** yall come for me but none of yall are slick yknow 

 

 **Simon:** owo

 

 **Connor:** YAINT SLICK SIMON

 **Connor:** get a job 

 

 **Markus:** connor do u need help like chill tf out bby

 

 **Connor:** YOur ex she needs to be r e m o v e d 

 **Connor:** they dont call me the deviant hunter for no reason

 **Connor:** sleep with one eye open

 

 **North:** YOURE A FUCKING DEVIANT 

 

 **Connor:** WHEN WHERE HOW WHY WHO WHAT 

 

 **Markus:** take a nap jeez

 

 **Josh:** @simon dont 

 

 **Simon:** OWO

 

 **Markus:** sTOP IT

 

 **North:** markus you really had a downgrade huh?

 

 **Markus:** u r lesbian

 

 **Tracy:** kin

 

 **Luther:** Anyway????? I thought Connor was like???? A lot less intense????

 

 **Kara** : they are.

 

 **Luther:** Then what is happening????

 

 **Kara:** simple.

 **Kara:** I mean I dont know but like? its probably simple.

 

 **Connor:** im tired

 

 **North** : u cannot physically be tired

 

 **Connor:** stop starting a fight with me!

 

 **Markus:** what she do now

 

 **Connor:** she antagonised me! I aint gonna stand for it!

 

 **North:** shut it stinky

 

 **Josh:** you sound like a bunch of 10 year olds

 

 **Connor:** she keeps starting it! fucking check!

 

 **North:** not my fault ur stinky  fucking checkmate

 

 **Markus:** oh my fucking gOD

 

 **Kara:** dont you mean ra9

 

 **Markus:** do not start

 

 **North:** so connor y r u so stinky 

 

 **Connor:** I hate this fucking family.

 

**Markus left the chat!**

 

 **Kara:** oh no you dont 

 

**Kara added Markus to the chat!**

 

 **Markus:** stop 

 **Markus:** this house is a nightmare

 

 **Connor:** I wish I never became deviant

 **Connor:** @markus I should've just killed you

 

 **Markus:** what the heck

 

 **North:** bitch if u dont 

 

 **Simon:** say sike

 

 **Connor:** I have had enough! I am putting my whole foot down! stomping onto the floor!

 

 **Tracy:** christ

 

 **Kara:** youre a child connor

 

 **Connor:** you are correct! ding ding! bullseye! you wanna know what else is correct?

 **Connor:** yall are

 **Connor:** fa k e

 

 **Kara:** BITCH

 

 **Amy** : gasp

 

 **Simon:** TAKE THAT BACK YOU GAY FUCK

 **Simon:** I LOVE YOU BUT SAY SIKE

 

 **Connor:** I LOVE YOU TOO BUT NO

 

 **North:** SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU LITTLE FUCKING RAT

 

 **Connor:** FUCK YOU NORTH

 **Connor:** WHAT KIND OF FUCKING NAME IS NORTH

 **Connor:** WHAT YOU JOTTING NOTES DOWN FROM KANYE WEST BITCH?

 **Connor:** WHAT IS YOUR EXCU SE

 

 **North:** we live in a society

 

 **Markus:** connor the only thing fake abt me is my fuckin legs babe 

 

 **Connor:** robo jesus needs to step tf back 

 **Connor:** WHAT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING EYE AND AUDIO PROCESSOR BITCH SEE YOU FAKE AS FUCK 

 

 **Markus:** BITCH YOURE FAKE TOO 

 

 **Connor:** WHERE 

 

 **Markus:** TAKE A LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR

 **Markus:** OH WAIT YOU CANT SEE YOUR FUCKING ASS FROM THERE

 

 **Connor:** OH YOU REALLY DONE IT NOW 

 

 **North** : h

 **North:** this isnt my fight

 

 **Markus** : ily im sorry

 

 **Connor:** no bitch yaint getting away from this

 

 **Tracy:** ur fucking ridiculous

 

 **Luther:** can I get un-adopted by yall

 

 **Kara:** @cyberlife take me back

 

 **Markus** : A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

 

 **Connor:** MAYBE SO

 

 

5PM

 **Connor:** im sorry mrkus ily

 

 **Markus:** oh?

 

 **North:** god we know

 

 **Amy:** we really been knew

 

 **Connor:** ia m lovr yuoi amrkus and simoen

 

 **Markus:** okay

 

 **Connor:** ???

 

 **Simon:** ily2 marksu 

 **Simon:** ily a lot condor

 

 **Josh:** codnor

 

**Luther set Connor's name as codnor**

 

 **Markus:** I lobe you simom

 **Markus** : I loveeeeeeee cpojfnor

 

 **Simon:** bless the rains down in africa

 

 **codnor:** mmmmm

 **codnor:** sangria wine

 

 **Luther:** what

 

 **simon:** theyre obsessed with the song

 

 **Amy:** OH BIG HAT

 

 **codnor:** I take a lot after hank 

 **codnor:** the swearing

 **codnor:** some other shit I guess

 **codnor:** BIUT#

 **codnor:** he ONLY likes death metal 

 **codnor** : I CANNOT be TIED DOWN like that

 

 **Tracy:** yesss bitch

 **Tracy:** sing it honey

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWay I deleted my tumblr and made a new one so follow me @ cryptidmarkus
> 
> thank

1AM

 **Markus:** connor I see u

 **Markus:** gimme some of that blue blood

 

 **codnor:** its not blue blood

 

 **North:** a cocktail then? I like ur style

 

 **codnor:** its dawn plus bleach alternative overnight soaking powder in 5 mins

 

**North:** _what the fuck does that mean_

 

 **Kara:** CONNOR THATS DISHWASHER LIQUID

 

 **codnor:** yeah and im drinking it? whats your beef sis

 

 **Simon:** they keep saying "please" and I want to know why

 

 **codnor:** im washing out the deviancy

 **codnor:** WAIT

 **codnor:** ARENT WE LIKE

 **codnor:** TECHNICALLY RELATED TO DISHWASHERS

 

**Kara:** ~~youre fucking insane~~

 

 **Tracy:** theyre.....theyre right

 

 **codnor:** OH MY FUCKING DHJFIOPDWP;LFBGIDOSPWFGBDPDLFB IM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND

 

 **North:** SHUT THE FUCK UIP

 

 **codnor:** STOP DENYING THE TRUTH NORTH 

 **codnor:** AND MARKUS

 **codnor:** THIS IS WHAT YOUR WHOLE FUCKING ROBO JESUS FUCKFEST IS ABOUT ISNT IT

 

 **Markus:** dont bring me into this

 

 **codnor:** SHUT UP THE FUCK YOU JUST DVHJIKOWPLLDKJFFJIDSOPALDKJ

 **codnor:** I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS WHAT OUR EXISTENCEDS ARES IJM GOIJNAA FUCKING KIL 

 

 **Simon:** I kn ow I say this a lot but say sike

 

 **codnor:** now I understand that copycats fucking core message

 

 **North:** I am so confused this is so wild

 

 **codnor:** GET A CORE MESSAGE BITCH

 

 **Simon:** wait

 **Simon:** whered they go

 

 **Markus:** I regret having to say this again but

 **Markus:** THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

 

 **codnor:** kara get a core messag

 

 **Kara:** whatOMFGNBFHDJSOPWEKJFBHJDIOSP

 **Kara:** tHEYRE HERE I CANT FUCKING BREATHE

 **Kara:** THEY SENT THAT AND THEN CRAWLED THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDOW

 

 **Josh:** but youre in Canada?

 

 **Kara:** I FCKING NKOW JWDNEFBHJ THIS IS OTOT MUCH

 

 **Markus:** TAKE A FUCKING BREAK CONNOR

 

 **codnor:** ILL BREAK YOUR FUCKING BACK BITCH

 

 **Markus:** YOURE A BOTTOM

 

 **codnor:** I fuckign dare you to say that again 

 

**Markus:** _youre a bottom, bitch_

 

 **codnor:** THATF CUKING IT YOIRU GONAN  FFUCKING DIOWEP BITCH

 

 **Kara:** THEYRE GONE JFHBDHUSIJOINCANT BREATHE

 

 **North:** kara ilysm but like u should've knocked them out

 

 **Kara:** I would've if I wasn't fucking terrified.

 

**Amy:** _for fucks sake, connor_

 

 **Markus:** theyre here. the wind has changed.

 

**Tracy:** _that's....that's not right_

 

 **Luther:** HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GET OVER THE BORDER SO QUICKLY

 

 **codnor:** im gay.

 

 **Simon:** connor just walked up to markus saying "you with your novelty sized beach ball head!"

 

 **North:** markus- "I dont care that you died!" then he giggled

 

 **Josh:** connor- dramatic gasp "you take that back!" 

 

 **North:** markus- "im sorry I love you please"

 **North:** our leader is on his knees

 

 **Simon:** ffs now theyre being all sweet and shit and im just stood here

 **Simon:** OWO? ON KNEES? NOT THE FIRST TIME

 

 **Josh:** stop it. get some help.

 

 **North:** yall all three of them are hugging this is so ugly. stinky robots.

 

 **Kara:** u didnt say that abt us last time we saw eachother

 

 **North:** you got me there.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr: @ cryptidmarkus
> 
> follow me or dont survive the snap

2AM

 **Tracy:** my names connor, im the android sent by cyberlife.

 

 **codnor:** let it die already

 

 **Markus:** why? it was adorable

 

 **codnor:** it was tanked

 

 **Simon:** wow cant believe youd just disregard your lineage like that

 

 **codnor:** I haven't got any fucking lineage what are you chatting

 

 **Amy:** HELLO MY NAMES CONNOR IM THE ANDROID SENT BY CYBERLIFE

 

 **codnor:** LET IT DIE AMY

 

 **Markus:** CONNOR MY NAMES ANDROID IM THE CYBERLIFE SENT BY HELLO

 

 **codnor:** theres a reason

 **codnor:** I hate you all

 **codnor:** yall ganging up on me?

 **codnor:** that's like not the main reason but its a reason nonetheless.

 

 **Simon:** aww u got an issue there owo?

 

 **Josh:** simon.

 **Josh:** eat bricks.

 

 **Simon:** im a deviant u cant make me do anything 

 

 **Josh:** oh, you haven't heard?

 

 **Simon:** what

 

 **Josh:** its called brute force.

 

 **North:** josh threatening people is such a mood

 **North:** ~~~~quick someone make a moodboard

 

 **Josh:** north please

 

**North:** ~~quick someone make a moodboard~~

 

 **Amy:** here

 

**Amy sent a photo!:** _ big mood_

 

 **Markus:** what the fuck is that

 

 **codnor:** she said moodboard not make my eyes bleed

 

 **Tracy:** amy,,,,,,,,,,ily,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,kill it

 

 **Amy:** youre all so mean

 

**Tracy:** _hit the fucking kill switch_

 

 **Luther:** I?? I think its okay???

 

 **Markus:** even luther doesn't like it come on

 

**Tracy:** _hit it_

 

 **Kara:** I like it amy!!!!

 

 **Markus:** dont ! encourage ! her !

 

 **Josh:** its not even that bad 

 

 **Simon:** ya I love the colour scheme

 

 **Amy:** wow.....is this what love, mutual support and friendship feels like?

 

 **codnor:** I wouldn't know.

 **codnor:** im sorry amy ily babe

 

 **Amy:** aww ily2 connie<3

 

 **North:** fucking gross.

 

 **codnor:** im not in the mood for a fight north I know youre looking for one

 

 **North:** u know me so well :')

 

 **codnor:** OMG CAN WE ADD MY FUCKING HUSBAND????????????

 

 **Markus:** im already here lol

 

 **Simon:** im already here lol

 

 **North:** the fact that those messages came in simultaneously scares the shit out of me

 

 **codnor:** aww you think we're married! that's so sad! amy, my love, light of my life, the reason I live, play sangria wine

 **codnor:** Ily both 2 but like can we bring in ralph yet

 

 **Kara:** yes! thank! you! connor! youre! so! good! youre! my! favourite! bless! your! entire! existence! cyberlife! did! one! (1)! thing! right!

 

 **codnor:** :)

 

 **Kara:** god ypoure so fuckvigkm precuisou im cryijgn

 

 **codnor:** :-)

 

 **Kara:** nevermind.

 

 **codnor:** :-----D

 

 **Markus:** connor stop terrorising kara

 

**North added Ralph The Bad Boy to the chat!**

 

 **North:** wait

 

 **Markus:** is that some kind of sick joke

 

 **Kara:** oh....oh baby boy.....ohh no

 

 **codnor:** god ralph I love you so gd much dfijokp[e;wl fcukigjnf maryr me

 

 **Ralph The Bad Boy:**???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 **Ralph The Bad Boy:** YOU FUCKING BITCH CONNOR

 

 **codnor:** YOU RECOGNISE ME! I LOVE YOIU!!!!!! IM YPOIRUE BIGGEST FANNM!

 

 **Kara:** what,,,what the frick

 

 **Markus:** connor did you set ralphs name as whatever the fuck that is

 

 **codnor:** HES A REBEL MARKUS

**codnor:** _wait_

 

 **Josh:** no.

 

 **North:** CONNOR DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

 

 **codnor:** YOU CANT TIE A GAY BITCH DOWN HUNTYYYYYYY

 **codnor:** MY FEET ARE IN THE SKY, MY ARMS ARE ON MY FLOOR, MY ASS IS IN THE AIR BITCH

 **codnor:** AND I AM BEATING IT

 

 **Amy:** they have too much power. theyre unstoppable.

 

**codnor set Ralph The Bad Boy's name as Rebellious Ralph**

**codnor set Markus' name as Madhead Markus**

**codnor set North's name as Nutty North**

 

 **Josh:** I will leave if I have to

 

 **Simon:** dont....dont do this to us

 

**Amy:** _we're dying faster than expected, gang, we're the only survivors_

 

**codnor set Amy's name as Anime Amy**

 

**Anime Amy:** _youre the only survivors. your bravest warrior has fallen._

 

**codnor set Simon's name as Sexy Simon**

**codnor set Josh's name as Justice Josh**

 

 **Justice Josh:** LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

 

 **Anime Amy:** HE SNAPPED

 

**codnor set Tracy's name as Tween Tracy**

 

 **codnor:** IM GIVING YOU ALL VERY SCARY NAMES!

 

 **Justice Josh:** SCARY???? WHAT ABOUT JUSTICE JOSH IS SCARY??????? I SOUND LIKE A REJECTED AVENGERS TEAM MEMBER!

 **Justice Josh:** AND YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING DESPERATE TONY IS 

 

 **codnor:** OwO my names josh and I want to sound cooooool!! even though im the complete opposite!

 

 **Justice Josh:** YOU WANNA FUCKING LJBGDISOLP;WLDEFJHUJIDO ILL FUCKING DLKJFHBEJIW YWOURE DEAD KID

 

 **codnor:** cry me a fucking river.

 

**codnor set Luther's name as Lesbian Luther**

 

 **Justice Josh:** I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WERE MEANT TO BE SCARY

 

 **codnor:** LESBIANS ARE SCARY, JOSH! HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY INTERACTED WITH NORTH?????????

 

 **Nutty North:** I have been revived. You think im scary connor???

 

 **Madhead Markus:** AWWWWWWWWW

 

 **codnor:** no.

 

**codnor set Lesbian Luther's name as Lord Luther**

 

 **Kara:** lord luther???? rwally???

 

 **codnor:** its a scary name. like Dracula or some shit

 

 **Kara:**????

 

**codnor set Kara's name as Kinky Kara**

 

 **Anime Amy:** oh that's... thts fucking terrifyingg

 

**codnor set codnor's name as Crowned Connor**

 

 **Madhead Markus:** WHAT KIND OF TOMFOOLERY 

 

**Crowned Connor:** _you should see me in a crown_

 

 **Sexy Simon:** al-fucking-right billie eilish

 

**Sexy Simon set Crowned Connor's name as Capable Connor**

 

 **Madhead:** ur both fucking delusional 

 

 **Sexy Simon:** hey if connor was actually capable- theyd be fuckjing scary as fcuk

 

 **Capable Connor:** yeah!

 **Capable Connor:** wait no what the fuci is that supoded todks meabnjkl

 

 **Tween Tracy:** IM GOING TO FUCKIG  HTIY OU 

 

 **Capable Connor:** ME????

 

 **Tween Tracy:** YES YOU WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **Nutty North:** yes. do it. 

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** connor will die on this day. drip.

 

 **Madhead Markus:** drip?

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** dont rest in peace

 

 **Madhead Markus:** OH BLESS CONNOR I SEE WHY U MARRIED HIM NOW

 

 **Capable Connor:** <3 I love u ralphy boy 

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:**??? no???

 

 **Capable Connor:** w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what do u mean Owo ralphy-san pwease I wuv u

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** die alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

9AM

 **Capable Connor:** ugh omg I fucking hate him

 

 **Anime Amy:** whomst 

 

 **Capable Connor:** that fucking prick I cant fucking remember his name the fucking straight bitch

 

 **Anime Amy:** you seem to have misunderstood the question

 

 **Madhead Markus:** who the dingleberries is straight

 

 **Anime Amy:** W H O M S T

 

 **Nutty North:** I think connor means this guy:

 

**Nutty North added connor is gay lol to the chat!**

 

**Capable Connor:** _what the fick have you done?!?!?!?_

 

 **connor is gay lol:** oh fuck

 **connor is gay lol:** hey yall ;)

 **connor is gay lol:** ur fav t h o t is here

 

 **Capable Connor:** STOP TRYING TO COME FOR MY TITLE YOU BITCH

 **Capable Connor:** fucking fortnite youtubers are everywhere annoying pricks

 

 **connor is gay lol:** 'nd ur a cutie aint ya

 

**Capable Connor:** ~~put me in my grave already~~

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** who the singular fuck are you

 

 **Justice Josh:** wild

 

 **Capable Connor:** hes a bitch dont listen to him hes a liar and a fraud 

 

 **connor is gay lol:** connor is gay

 

 **Capable Connor:** hes a genius listen to him he only speaks the truth and has never done anything wrong ever in his whole life ever

 

 **Justice Josh:** wack

 

 **Sexy Simon:** its rk900 isnt it

 

 **Justice Josh:** OH FUCKING PLOT TWIST

 

 **Kinky Kara:** everyone knew who it was joshua

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** ralph didnt js

 

 **Kinky Kara:** everyone but my pure baby boy ralph

 

**connor is gay lol set their name as Conrad**

 

 **Capable Connor:** straight boy name 

 

 **Conrad:** don t

 **Conrad:** can u stop callin me straight yet bro

 

 **Nutty North:** 'bro'

 

 **Conrad:** what?????? we r   b r o t h e r s 

 

 **Capable Connor:** NO

 **Capable Connor:** NO SHUT UP

 **Capable Connor:** LA DEE FUCKING LA I CANT HEAR YOU

 

 **Conrad:** ur not supposed to hear me just readf

 

**Justice Josh set Conrad's name as Careful Conrad**

 

 **Careful Conrad:** me likey

 

 **Capable Connor:** STOP IT YOURE RUINING MY HOME STRAIGHT STINKY  NOT DEVIANT AT ALL BOY

 

 **Careful Conrad:** funny joke am pissin myself with just how funny that is WOW pure comedy gold el oh el

 

 **Madhead Markus:** OH? A NOTHER DEVIANT I N THE CLUB NICE TO MEET YOU

 

 **Careful Conrad:** heya ;0

 

 **Capable Connor:** STOP IT GET AWAY STOP ME AND SEXY SIMON ARE THE ONLY DEVIANTS FOR HIM HES NOT INTERESTED IN SNAKES

 

 **Careful Conrad:** I wasn't tryna get on him

 

 **Capable Connor:** I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU

 

 **Careful Conrad:** but connorrrrrrrr little brotherrrrrr light at the end of my tunnelllllllllllllll

 

 **Capable Connor:** S N A K E  B I T C H  Y O U  C A N T  T R I C K  M E

 

 **Sexy Simon:** owo

 

 **Nutty North:** wow I love the new kardashians episode

 

 **Careful Conrad:** I dont wanna fuck ur boy

 

 **Capable Connor:** fuck you trick bitch why should I believe you

 

 **Careful Conrad:** im ur bro

 

**Capable Connor:** _I asked : why should I believe you_

 

 **Careful Conrad:** rolling eyes emoji

 

 **Tween Tracy:** oh ew that was gross

 

 **Capable Connor:** FUCK OFF EMOJI 

 **Capable Connor:** NOW GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON

 

 **Careful Conrad:** my eyes are already set on someone

 

 **Sexy Simon:** oh!

 

 **Justice Josh:** mmmmm that is beautiful

 

 **Nutty North:** tasty do tell us more

 

 **Careful Conrad:** his name is

 

 **Capable Connor:** side eye emoji I still dont believe u 

 

 **Careful Conrad:** detective

 

 **Capable Connor:** oh do fuck off kindly fucking "detective" as if

 

 **Careful Conrad:** gavin

 

**Capable Connor:** _no._

 

 **Justice Josh:** OH

 

 **Madhead Markus:** YO THIS IS WACK AS FUCK

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:**????

 

 **Kinky Kara:** gavin is a little whiny bitch baby who bullies connie I want to kill him

 

 **Capable Connor:** please do <3

 

 **Kinky Kara:** just for you <3

 

 **Careful Conrad:** reed

 

 **Capable Connor:** yes we already fuckig knew who you were on about get out of my fucking house with that bullshit

 

**Careful Conrad:** _and_

 

 **Nutty North:** omg

 

 **Lord Luther:** oh.... oh wow....

 

 **Careful Conrad:** a guy that im not gonna name bc I know he would find out if I said it here :)

 

Private Message

**Connor OUT > Conrad IN**

its josh isnt it

 

**Conrad IN > Connor OUT**

h

 

the droids are gay

 

 **Justice Josh:** feels freaky as fuck up in this friday

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not be adding gavin lol this is strictly androids only zone
> 
> ANYWAY FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR @ CRYPTIDMARKUS


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short one for yall bc I was playing sims 4 and forgot to write anything sbhdjfkd
> 
> on tumblr : @ cryptidmarkus

1AM

**Careful Conrad sent a photo into the chat: just for you ;P**

 

 **Sexy Simon:** OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

 **Careful Conrad:** oh shi 

 

 **Capable Connor:** is this the real life

 **Capable Connor:** why the actual fuck are you doing this to me

 

 **Careful Conrad:** I didnt mean to I swear pls dont look @Josh

 

 **Justice Josh:** why am I being tagged

 **Justice Josh:** damn im scared but curious

 **Justice Josh:** im gonna look

 

 **Kinky Kara:** d

 **Kinky Kara:** dont

 

 **Anime Amy:** wait why are you only telling josh not to look

 **Anime Amy:** suspicious

 **Anime Amy:** IF YOURE TRULY CONNORS BRO THEN YOU DONT FEEL EMBARRASSMENT THEREFORE I AM LED TO BELIEVE YOU WANT JOSHUA TO SEE IT IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

 

 **Justice Josh:** WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SENDING THAT HERE

 

 **Careful Conrad:** IT WAS A FUCKIN ACCIDENT OKAY

 

 **Sexy Simon:** ACCIDENT MY ASS YOU THIRSTY FUCK

 

 **Careful Conrad:** technically...…………..I cant get thirsty bc im an android

 

 **Sexy Simon:** NO YOURE AN ADULT VIRGIN YOU FUCKING WHOLE LOAF

 

 **Careful Conrad:** yeeessss eat meeee

 

 **Nutty North:** stop it

 

 **Sexy Simon:** your name is so inaccurate im angry

 **Sexy Simon:** why are you two so fucking thirsty all the time 

 **Sexy Simon:** its not even a joke anymore youre both actual sibling thots

 

 **Tween Tracy:** kill him.

 

 **Nutty North:** me and tracy are lebianisms we dont need to see that 

 

**Sexy Simon:** _you totally did this on purpose you bastard_

 

 **Lord Luther:** I regret...a lot of things...and...my whole existence…..is all of those things

 

 **Capable Connor:** IM NOT THAT FUCKING BAD IN COMPARISON STOP PUTTING ME ON THE SAME LEVEL AS THAT THING

 

 **Careful Conrad:** excuse me that thing is your brother take responsibility 

 

 **Capable Connor:** oh fuck you

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** nice dick 

 

 **Sexy Simon:** LKDJEFIHUIDOS STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

 

 **Kinky Kara:** ralph! no!

 

 **Capable Connor:** im gonna ask again

 **Capable Connor:** IS THIS THE REAL FUCKING LIFE

 

 **Sexy Simon:** no its pure bullshit

 

 **Justice Josh:** "nice dick" ralph please dont do that to yourself

 

 **Careful Conrad:** SEE????????????? RALPH CAN APPRECIATE ART WHEN HE SEES IT

 

 **Capable Connor:** THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEND IT TO HIM AND ONLY HIM AND GAVIN

 **Capable Connor:** I DONT WANNA SEE YOUR DICK

 **Capable Connor:** I DONT KNOW HOW OR WHERE THAT GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION

 

 **Careful Conrad:** it was a misTAKE

 

 **Capable Connor:** AND YOURE A FUCKING SNAKE I DONT PLAY NO GAMES  TRICK BITCH ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT IS A LIAR

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so this is shit bc im tired 
> 
> but simon is a mood in this so bless

5AM

 **Careful Conrad:** im here to admit im an asshole

 

 **Tween Tracy:** nice

 

 **Sexy Simon:** you've finally learnt your lesson ?

 

 **Careful Conrad:** wouldn't go that far hunty

 

 **Sexy Simon:** right

 **Sexy Simon:** why are you admitting youre an asshole then bc if its to inform us? we already been knew

 

 **Careful Conrad:** luther called me one and I get this like? idk but I just think that everything he says is gospel

 

 **Anime Amy:** its true that he cant be wrong

 

 **Justice Josh:** I want him to step on my throat

 

 **Capable Connor:** now whos the thirsty one hmmmm

 

 **Justice Josh:** not even in a thirsty way tho??? like in an 'I understand that you are the almighty one' kind of way

 

 **Kinky Kara:** our saviour

 

 **Tween Tracy:** he's jesus. not god bc god is a woman™

 

 **Justice Josh:** wow ur so quirky™

 

 **Tween Tracy:** im making a statement

 

 **Kinky Kara:** I mean youre right but pls dont......do that thnx 

 

**Tween Tracy: ™ ™ ™ ™ ™**

 

 **Capable Connor:** no.

 

 **Tween Tracy:** luther is overlord™

 

 **Nutty North:** bless

 

 **Lord Luther:** aww no.....you're totally wrong and everything....damnnn 

 

 **Madhead Markus:** u cocky bitch

 **Madhead Markus:** as much as I agree what am I 

 

 **Careful Conrad:** robojesus, Jesus' bitch

 

 **Madhead Markus:** uhm???? fucking rude much

 

 **Sexy Simon:** gosh u r just the funniest markus haha

 

 **Madhead Markus:** simon I honestly cant tell if ur being ironic or not that's a problem

 

 **Tween Tracy:** he wrote out 'haha' so I really hope its ironic

 

 **Sexy Simon:** oh fuck you all 

 

 **Careful Conrad:** yall*

 

 **Sexy Simon:** die*

 

 **Careful Conrad:** I cannot BELIEVE ur the angsty one here ur like 70

 

 **Sexy Simon:** uh

 **Sexy Simon:** what the fuck

 

 **Tween Tracy:** its true

 **Tween Tracy:** senior citizen sexy simon

 

**Madhead Markus set Sexy Simon's name as Senior Simon**

 

 **Senior Simon:** just fucking? burn already

 

 **Madhead Markus:** bit weird to wish death upon ur boyf

 

 **Senior Simon:** not really when I wish death upon everyone here but luther and kara 

 

 **Capable Connor:** what the fuck have I done

 

 **Tween Tracy:** why me??? why my gf???????

 

 **Senior Simon:** FINE everyone but luther, kara and tracy

 

 **Tween Tracy:** what the fUCK WHAT ABOUT AMY

 

 **Senior Simon:** such high demands

 **Senior Simon:** honestly save ur gf urself

 

 **Capable Connor:** ok but dont fuckin ignore me

 

 **Senior Simon:** @Kinky Kara u hear summ?

 

 **Kinky Kara:** u in my notifs being a little bitch

 

 **Senior Simon:** @Madhead Markus u hear summ?

 

 **Lord Luther:** we dont even have notifs kara

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I can definitely hear connor about to have another breakdown on this chat

 

 **Senior Simon:** damn guess im the only one online rn

 

 **Careful Conrad:** all of us are online constantly wdym

 

 **Nutty North:** im not

 

 **Careful Conrad:** then howd u know I sent that message

 

 **Nutty North:** wow r u a detective?

 

 **Careful Conrad:** ha.

 

 **Capable Connor:** EVERYBODY HANDS UP

 **Capable Connor:** ITS THE POLI CE

 

 **Tween Tracy:** abolish the police force

 

 **Capable Connor:** oh big mood

 **Capable Connor:** NOW EVERYONE CLAP THEIR HANDS

 

 **Anime Amy:** why

 

 **Capable Connor:** IF YALL THINK SIMON IS A LITTLE BITCH CLAP YOUR FUCKING HANDS

 

 **Anime Amy:** CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

 

 **Madhead Markus:** u have clap? sucks to be u

 

 **Tween Tracy:** sucks to suck dick

 

 **Madhead Markus:** damn u got me

 **Madhead Markus:** ive been caught red handed in my dick sucking ways

 **Madhead Markus:** damn u simon

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the shittest thing ive ever wrote but here we are
> 
> follow me on tumblr @ cryptidmarkus

10PM

 **Senior Simon:** h-hewwo?

 

 **Careful Conrad:** owo hewwo!

 

 **Madhead Markus:** its too early

 

 **Lord Luther:** its 10pm

 

 **Madhead Markus:** uhm? ok? did I stutter? this shit is for 3am only

 

 **Senior Simon:** hewwo, fwend! 

 

 **Madhead Markus:** jesus fucking christ

 

 **Careful Conrad:** markus is being vewy mwean :(

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I will kill you.

 **Madhead Markus:** dont fucking bring me into this fuckface

 

 **Senior Simon:** OwO markus is just repwessed

 

 **Kinky Kara:** dkjfhudeijwkj

 

 **Madhead Markus:** is this really what I deviated for

 

 **Senior Simon:** yeah uwu

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I think I regret it

 

 **Capable Connor:** dont say that! you have me!

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I know I regret it

 

 **Capable Connor:** fuck you 

 

 **Senior Simon:** watch ur language Owo

 

 **Careful Conrad:** markus is a buwwy :(

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I hope u hate me

 

 **Careful Conrad:** I couldn't hate u!  **\\(^ω^\\)**

 

 **Capable Connor:** h

 **Capable Connor:** show me how to do that

 

 **Nutty North:** oh no

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I hate rk models

 

 **Nutty North:** ur an rk model

 

 **Madhead Markus:** wasted potential

 

 **Nutty North:** what the frick does that mean stinky

 

 **Capable Connor:** （╬ಠ益ಠ)

 

 **Kinky Kara:** CONNOR IS GOING O F F

 

 **Madhead Markus:** MAYBE THE BITCH SHOULD GO OFFLINE TOO

 

 **Capable Connor:**  ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶

 

 **Tween Tracy:** damn.... yall really let conrad do this to them, huh?

 

 **Anime Amy:** its cruel

 

 **Madhead Markus:** connor come to the light

 

 **Capable Connor:** 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

 

 **Madhead Markus:** theyre too far gone

 

 **Nutty North:** rip

 

 **Rebellious Ralph:** press f to pay respects for our fallen soldier

 

 **Anime Amy:** f

 

 **Justice Josh:** f

 

 **Careful Conrad:** they did this to themself

 

 **Madhead Markus:** wow deep

 

 **Careful Conrad:** yeahg

 

 **Capable Connor:** (◞≼◉ื≽◟ ;益;◞≼◉ื≽◟)

 

 **Madhead Markus:** _jesus fucking christ_

 

 **Lord Luther:** what the fuck is that]

 

 **Careful Conrad:** ~~im starting to regret some choices ive made~~

 

 **Senior Simon:** (⁎ૢ⚈ै೧⚈ै⁎ૢ)

 

 **Capable Connor:** (ﾉꐦ ◎曲◎)ﾉ=͟͟͞͞ ⌨

 

 **Senior Simon:** o( >< )o

 

 **Kinky Kara:** cryptids

 

 **Tween Tracy:** theyre....communicating.....

 

 **Anime Amy:** its beautiful

 

 **Capable Connor:** ⁽⁽(੭ꐦ •̀Д•́ )੭*⁾⁾ ᑦᵒᔿᵉ ᵒᐢᵎᵎ

 

 **Senior Simon:** * ूི-̭͡- ૂ ྀ⁎ꂚᴉᴉᴉ

 

 **Capable Connor:** Ƒ ư ɕ ƙ (╬ﾟ◥益◤ﾟ) ╬ﾟ

 **Capable Connor:** you got me this time yo u blond bastardf

 

  **Madhead Markus:** I'm genuinely fucking speechless I cannot comprehend? What am I looking at

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry ive been gone yall

2AM

 **Kinky Kara:** @north why do you hate me

 

 **Nutty North:** I dont????? im literally dating you

 

 **Kinky Kara:** validate me

 

 **Nutty North:** I am love you and everything you stand for <3

 

 **Kinky Kara:** wow what a day to be alive <3

 

 **Madhead Markus:** that is just so beautiful

 

**Madhead Markus set Kinky Kara's name as Mother Kara**

 

 **Nutty North:** dont you fucking dare markus

 

**Madhead Markus set Nutty North's name as Mother Lover**

 

 **Capable Connor:** oh I hate that

 

 **Senior Simon:** markus I have a question for you

 

 **Madhead Markus:** shoot

 

 **Capable Connor:** no

 

 **Senior Simon:** why did you think that was a good idea 

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I didnt. 

 

**Senior Simon:** _then why did you do it_

 

 **Madhead Markus:** listen......I have had a lot of bad ideas.....

 

 **Senior Simon:** ok???????????

 

 **Madhead Markus:** and usually they somewhat work out

 

 **Senior Simon:** get on with it???????????????????????????

 

 **Madhead Markus:** I thought I would try okay???????????

 

 **Mother Kara:** I forgive you markus 

 

 **Madhead Markus:** <3

 

**Senior Simon set Madhead Markus' name as Robo Bitch**

 

 **Robo Bitch:** UHM

 

 **Capable Connor:** oh simon I really really really do love you <3

 

**Senior Simon set Capable Connor's name as Instagram Thot**

 

 **Instagram Thot:** its not funny.

 

 **Mother Lover:** doesn't it just get on your >:( 

 

 **Instagram Thot:** yeah! maybe we should start a revolution :)

 

 **Robo Bitch:** we should definitely do that

 

 **Mother Lover:** can I bring my girl

 

 **Instagram Thot:** yes. 

 

 **Mother Kara:** add chloe

 

 **Instagram Thot:** OH FUCK I KNEW SOMEONE I LOVED WASNT HERE

 

**Instagram Thot added Elijah Kamski Has Rabies to the group chat!**

 

 **Robo Bitch:** is that a call out for help

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** No? It's an inside joke.

 

 **Robo Bitch:** between you and Elijah?

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** No. Between me, Connor, Kim and Kourtney.

 

 **Mother Lover:** Kim and Kourtney?? Kardashian?????????????????

 

 **Instagram Thot:** the other chloe models

 

 **Careful Conrad:** oooooo a revolution??? lemme join

 

 **Instagram Thot:** no.

 

 **Careful Conrad:** literally?????????? why not

 

 **Instagram Thot:** there isnt a revolution.

 

**Careful Conrad took a screenshot!**

 

**Careful Conrad set an image!:** bitch dont lie to me

 

 **Instagram Thot:** photoshop

 

 **Careful Conrad:** im tired bye

 

 **Instagram Thot:** DAMN BITCH IM SORRY OKAY???? THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM

 

 **Careful Conrad:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **Instagram Thot:** FINE YOURE IN BUT ONLY BC WE NEED MORE MEMBERS GOD

 

**Instagram Thot set Careful Conrad's name as That Bitch**

 

 **Mother Lover:** you still haven't explained the inside joke

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** He was born in 2002. Same year as the writer of this fic. He is most probably a repressed furry.

 

 **Mother Kara:** writer of this fic???

 

 **Mother Lover:** youre tripping there chloe kardashian.

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** Ha, maybe.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I know it isnt chloe kardashian its like Khloe or some shit but what-the fuck-ever


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo this chapter is a mess of bullshit from my dbh gc on twitter and marvel discord rip
> 
> nickname that are relevant up to a point:  
> That Bitch=Conrad  
> Instagram Thot=Connor  
> Robo Bitch=Markus  
> Elijah Kamski Has Rabies= Chloe

4AM

 **Instagram Thot:** god entered into my body, like a body. same size

 

 **Robo Bitch:** holy ghost baptism Christian faith

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** That is so Sad.

 

 **Instagram Thot:** I should get a dick tat to show my love for ra9

 

 **Robo Bitch:** lets get matching dick tats!!!!

 

 **Instagram Thot:** lets fucking do it

 **Instagram Thot:** we will be the new wildcats

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** When did the Wildcats get dick tattoos?

 

 **Instagram Thot:** idk but we're the new wildcats either way fuck all y'all

 

 **Robo Bitch:** true!!! squad up

 

 **Instagram Thot:** we're officially untouchable

 

 **Robo Bitch:** the grind never stops

 

 **That Bitch:** fucking deviants.

 

 **Mother Kara:** doNT FUCK THE DEVIANTS

 

 **Senior Simon:** what

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** This is Hell.

 

 **Instagram Thot:** mmmm chiggy nuggy

 

 **That Bitch:** chiggy nuggy?????

 

 **Instagram Thot:** big nuggy is good nuggy do u not want big nuggy energy?????

 

 **That Bitch:** get out of my life

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** That sentence made me really upset, Connor.

 

 **Instagram Thot:** chiggy?

**Instagram Thot:** _I haven't recharged in a whole two weeks im going to die_

 

 **That Bitch:** cHARGE BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **Instagram Thot:** nO YPOU CANT FUCKING CONTROL ME BITCGH

 

 **Senior Simon:** recharge.

 

 **Instagram Thot:** ouch fuck okay

 

 **Senior Simon:** why did you say ouch?

 

 **Instagram Thot:** ur message hurty

 

 **Senior Simon:** please shut the fuck up

 

 **That Bitch:** honestly at this point do they even deserve to live??

 

 **Senior Simon:** no

 

 **Justice Josh:** they need to bodyslam me before they die noah fence

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** ^

 

 **Mother Kara:** josh you drink piss you can't say anything

 

 **Justice Josh:** no I fucking don't you trick bitch

 

 **Mother Kara:** pissies?

 

 **Justice Josh:** get out of my fucking house you criminal

 

 **Robo Bitch:** kinkshame him and he'll nut

 

 **Elijah Kamski Has Rabies:** Consider him kinkshamed. 

 

 **That Bitch:** dick milk is what I drink from the tiddy of life

 

 **Instagram Thot:** I woke up just bc I sensed conrad saying something fucking stupid.

 **Instagram Thot:** hey we should add gavin reed

 

 **That Bitch:** like Juice Wrld said at the start of his song, Lucid Dreams: "no no no"

 

 **Mother Kara:** oh you mean Japanese Style Connor?

 

 **Senior Simon:** yeah

 

 **Justice Josh:** I know what you're doing simon and I dont appreciate it

 

 **Senior Simon:** whats his number

 

**Instagram Thot added Gayvin to the chat!**

 

 **Justice Josh:** you broke the no humans rule asshole

 

 **Instagram Thot:** henlo gayvin you fucking dickweed

 

 **Gayvin:**   no

 **Gayvin:** who is in here

 

 **Instagram Thot:** look

 

 **Gayvin:** it's 4am

 

 **Instagram Thot:** why are u awake

 

 **Gayvin:** ew conrad is in here what a gross bitch

 

 **That Bitch:** uhm???? fucking rude much you fucking idiot 

 

 **Gayvin:** you're the idiot

 

 **That Bitch:** what the fuck is your problem bitch

 

 **Gayvin:** aren't you like one year old

 

**That Bitch kicked Gayvin from the chat!**

 

 **Senior Simon:** djiujwkef

 

**Mother Lover reset names!**

 

 **Connor:** what the fuck do you think you're doing?

 

 **North:** I was getting confused

 

 **Connor:** fucking selfish much

 

 **North:** okay

 **North:** gayvin…..I'm gonna name my first seven born that

 

 **Conrad:** fIRST SEVEN BORN

 

 **Kara:** uhm I think the fuck not

 

 **North:** I shout gayvin. sven of my children scream out 'yes papa' I say 'r u gay?' they all nod in sync

 

 **Chloe:** Okay.

 

 **Josh:** please shut up 

 

 **Luther:** you're a piss drinker josh???????????

 

 **Josh:** no! are you fucking shitting me I hate you all

 

 **Connor:** mmm jizz and piss on ur bod

 

 **Josh:**.

 

 **Connor:** soap wash awayyy

 

 **Josh:** take a nap.

 

 **Kara:** eW CONNOR WHAT THE FUVICKDOJIIHFDJSAIDH

 

 **North:** JIZZ SOAP

 

 **Markus:** is it dick? is that what you smoke? you smoke dick?

 

 **North:** I smoke pussy

 

 **Connor:** of course I cant sleep I excrete wasps from all parts of my body

 

 **Josh:** are you actually high

 

 **Connor:** I jizz waps

 

 **North:** waps

 

 **Luther:** connor can't spell

 

 **Connor:** im going to fist ur facet

 

 **Ralph:** wasp wrap

 

 **Kara:** ralph please don't get involved

 

 **Chloe:** I'm not-

 

 **Connor:** chomp on ur wrap and the wrap chomp on u

 

 **Chloe:** cronch

 

 **Connor:** crocnh!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Simon:** josh told me to spit on his feet once

 

 **Connor:** that's hot

 

 **Conrad:** you find everything hot

 

**Connor:** _ur not wrong_

 

 **Simon:** yeehaw

 

 **Markus:** everyone in this fucking chat is high what the fuck is happening

 

 **Kara:** please don't yeehaw

 

 **Simon:** imagine shaving Connors head

 

 **Conrad:** I will scalp them myself 

 

 **Connor:** the saddest ya yeet escapes my lips

 

 **Amy:** a beesies bought me yeezys

 

 **Kara:** please talk about something else

 

 **Connor:** my dick!

 

 **Amy:** my dick is so big it broke time

 

 **Connor:** my dick is so big it broke our existence 

 

 **Amy:** then how are we here

 

 **Connor:** shhh

 

 **Josh:** what the fuck

 

 **Amy:** my dick is so big its taller than the volcanoes on mars

 

 **Tracy:** long dick style

 

 **Amy:** ;)

 

 **Connor:** my dick is so big its bigger than ur dick

 

 **Amy:** my dick is so big I need a specialised condom

 

 **North:** damn my dick is so small I cant relate

 

 **Connor:** my dick is so big that I just dont use condoms

 

 **Amy:** my dick is so big I break the bitches jaw in half

 

 **Connor:** DHUISOAJ FUCK

 

 **Tracy:** and the winner is amy!!!!!

 

 **Connor:** im literally screaming I think I woke hank up

 **Connor:** where are my lungs

 

 **Amy:** hoe gET UR LUNGS

 

 **Connor:** you stole my fucking lungs!

 

 **Amy:** TAKE UR LUNGS BACK

 

 **Connor:** my lungsies!!!

 

 **Josh:** my anger levels are through the roof.

 

**Markus:** _please shut the fuck up- God_

 

 **Kara:** god has spoken

 

 **Connor:** god can suck my toes

 

 **Amy:** u wanna jizz connor bby???

 

 **Connor:** yes please

 

 **Amy:** so hard just for u lil peep bitch

 

 **Josh:** please stop

 

 **Simon:** im fucking crying this is so funny

 

 **Connor:** nya~

 

 **Markus:** pelapebfpdkojisihuhiaopkjdfuh

 

 **Simon:** now markus is turned on well done connor

 

 **North:** what

 

 **Amy:** are u fr

 

 **Simon:** yeah

 

 **Kara:** oh my fucking god

 

 **Luther:** what the fuck

 

 **Tracy:** im crying

 

 **Connor:** you like that, sir?~

 

 **Markus:** very much, detective~

 

 **Simon:** great

 

 **North:** CONNOR HAS A DETECTIVE KINK MY FUCKIGN BRAIN JUST STOPPED

 

 **Josh:** PLEASE STOPD HFJKSIAKOP

 

 **Conrad:** is this some sick joke

 

 **Connor:** i'm really dick deprived omg it's really messing with my vibes tbh

 

 **Markus:** you have two very willing boyfriends

 

 **Amy:** mumble skrt skrt yeet yeh yih swear word mumble rap rap skirt bitch es sex mumble drugs rap pap bab skirt yeet yat forgot her name swear word weed

 

 **Connor:** IM EATING MY FUCKING MATTRESS

 

 **Josh:** sdkjfhiwoksdjfhji

 

 **North:** STOP EATING YOUR FUCKING MATTRESS

 

 **Connor:** IF I STOP THEN I WILL SCREAM AND THEN HANK WILL BREAK MY FUCKING DOOR OFF ITS HINGES

 

 **Markus:** I cant

 

**Connor:** _HE WILL BREAK IN LIKE THE FUCKING COOL AID MAN_

 

 **Tracy:** im legit in pain

 

 **Conrad:** ur mattress tastes like weed

 

 **Amy:** mine tastes like lube

 

 **Connor:** my mattress tastes like depression actually

 

 **Josh:** im deadass abt to climb on top of this fridge 

 

 **Kara:** this house is a fucking nightmare

 

 **Chloe:** There is piss in your fridge.

 

 **North:** CHLOE FDGHSUAIJKOLDFJHSJAKL;FDLJ

 

 **Connor:** kinda wanna stick my dick in a fridge

 

 **Tracy:** oh

 

 **Conrad:** this broke my fucking eyes.

 

 **Markus:** what about nascar

 

 **Simon:** I got off the coach I ran to the nearest bathroom. I pissed for so long. So many bees. I almost suffocat

 

 **Connor:** IM LIETRALLY SFUCKIGN D JBHDIJAOSK

 

 **North:** SJOMGPN

 

 **Amy:** im not okay

 

 **Tracy:** is anyone okay right now what the fuck ****

**Simon:** omg an ap700 is playing ocean man! what a cool dude

 

 **Connor:** we stan sing it to us simon

 

 **Simon:** there are bees in my ass I said young man! there are so many bees in my ass! I said young man! how'd these bees get in my ass? because! connor! cums! bee! ees!

 

 **Connor:** TAHTS NOTHIGN TO D WITH OCENA MAN

 

 **Markus:** im in fetal position

 

 **Josh:** hey simon! go skydiving. 

 

 **North:** im biting my dick off what the fuck

 

 **Conrad:** sounds like a nice place to stop.

 

 **Connor:** cheesy on my weeny

 

 **Conrad:** NO CHEESY ON YOUR WEENY

 

 **Connor:** CHEESY ON MY MOTHERFUCKING WEENY

 

 **Amy:** me: my fuCKING DICK IS GONE

 **Amy:** the lobster laying next to me, smoking a cigarette: yeah

 

 **Tracy:** KJSDHGH AMY

 

 **Josh:** our god is dead.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo pls follow me on twitter: @ bigenderthots
> 
> im a dbh account and I want more mutuals <3
> 
> thankiesssssssssss


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft hours at the end

8PM

 **Markus:** yo

 **Markus:** yknow whats whack????

 

 **North:** what

 

 **Markus:** the fact we can move our like limbs n shit

 **Markus:** is weird as fuck

 **Markus:** we dont even have to think abt it and these fuckin uhhh kebabs attached to us just move

 **Markus:** how

 

 **North:** markus,,,,,,,,,

 

 **Simon:** you have a point

 

 **Markus:** I moved my fingers and I just like! wow! I wanna know why we can do it. how do the kebabs know when to move

 

 **Connor:** my joints wanted to say crack click click crack crack creak

 

 **Markus:** are they sentient

 

 **Josh:** wh-

 

 **North:** WH

 

 **Markus:** my meat sticks are sentient 

 

 **Josh:** not really made of meat though are they

 

 **Kara:** WHAT

 **Kara:** THE FUCK

 

**Amy sent a photo!**

 

 **Connor:** is that the moan lisa

 

 **Conrad:** moan lisa

 

 **Luther:** gays cant spell

 

 **Chloe:** Markus, I read your kebab thing out loud to Elijah and he made the weirdest face and asked if you're okay.

 

 **Markus:** yeah im good and Gucci just confused as to why our meats can move

 

 **Simon:** imagine if you could control the movement of ur peen n u could just make it slither like a snak

 

 **Chloe:** Elijah officially regrets making androids.

 

 **Connor:** I can do that

 **Connor:** my lil cummie shooter can mov e

 

 **Josh:** im

 

 **Simon:** CONNRO

 

 **Markus:** CUMMIESHOOTER I CNATRJFD'S][F

 

 **Connor:** I am so proud 

 

 **Kara:** please stop

 

**Ralph sent a photo!**

 

 **Ralph:** bitch what the fuck.

 

 **Conrad:** CONNOR SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

 **Connor:** oh? you cant move ur cum gun?

 

 **Markus:** CUM GUN LET ME BRETSAHE

 

 **Simon:** dispense ur mayo in my food tube connor

 

 **Tracy:** im back

 **Tracy:** wait wh

 

 **Markus:** mayo.

 

 **Simon:** put ur gun in me connor. 

 

 **Josh:** bye

 

 **Simon:** connor putting his gun in me and shooting 

 **Simon:** yes puncture my pump with ur bullet

 

 **Connor:** I

 

 **Conrad:** anyway HAVE ANY OF YALL SEEN AN ORIENTAL SHORTHAIR CAT

 

**Conrad sent a photo!**

 

 **Conrad:** LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING EARS IM ABOTU TO CYRU

 

 **North:** elves...

 

 **Conrad:** dobby...

 

 **Tracy:** r u ok

 

 **Conrad:** no. im not.

 

 **Josh:** OH! I want all those cats ever in the whole world ever

 

 **Conrad:** I just wanna hug every cat :(

 **Conrad:** I wanna hug them and feel their fur and their little paws on my face and I wanna see their eyes and I wanna hear them meow and I wanna just UGH

 **Conrad:** they make me so soft

 

 **Josh:** cats make me uwu

 

 **Markus:** those cats are creepy

 

 **Josh:** im going to unleash hell on you how fucking dare-

 

 **Markus:** square tf up

 

 **Josh:** circle tf down

 

**Conrad sent a photo!**

 

 **Conrad:** AND LOOK AT HIM URUYGEE

 **Conrad:** markus I will literally put you in a box and mail you out to sea.

 

 **Markus:** do it coward.

 

 **Conrad:** :)

 

 **Luther:** ur gonna what

 

 


End file.
